We all desire that one thing, that shameless center of love, expressing its self wildly, dancing in ultimate freedom: self-connection. The one thing that everything else depends on, and yet from which we seek and source outside of us, deserting our deep seeded yearning to be fully expressed in our authenticity. This is True Nourishment. The nourishment of being fully integrated, present, awake, alive, in love and in the moment. The question is: why are we so afraid to show up as we are fully?
We read books. We know things with our minds. Yet in our lives we are caged. We follow orders and protocols for how to live to the minutia of what we say and think. Those structures occupy space in our heads and we’ve been conditioned in believing we will be deprived of love and acknowledgement if we don’t do what is expected of us, and that becomes an ingrained internal process, no perpetrator necessary. So we silence that still echo within that urges, “come find me. be your own self.”
We live in fear of what that looks like, what it would mean to be ourselves. We’re not use to falling and failing with humility. If we step into our power we might lose the love we’ve worked so hard to earn. It’s a delicate line to cross and one that provokes great danger to the shaky center of love within.
We compare who is superior to us and who is inferior to us. We live within the structures of our minds, judging what we can and cannot do. Do you ever wonder why we look up to powerful people and inspiring artists? It’s because they dare to do the things that we would never do (but deeply desire). They put themselves out there and take the risk of showing up.
Our life is the stage and here we are. What would our life look like if we weren’t ashamed of who we were or what we want to do? Who are we afraid to disappoint? And if we started living in true alignment with our authenticity, whose love are we afraid of losing? The reality is that fear of loss and rejection clouds our ability to show up for ourselves.
So ask yourself, if you had nothing to lose, who would you be and what would you do?
When 2015 came to an end, it seemed as if my life fell into quick sand through the spans of time and space, dissolving into nothingness. My music partner/lover and I became strangers quicker than I can remember our first “hello.” Twin Braids was a project we created out of our Divine Union. It was our baby. The thing we nourished and loved for so long. Except when we fell apart, there wasn’t a child anymore holding our worlds together. In a way, my pain was likened to that of a mother’s loss of a still born; gestation, birth and the welcoming of death into this world. I’ve held in my womb the unborn child and have felt the empty space of death resounding. I’ve also held in my womb many imperceptible births and deaths, energetically moving vessels of creations in me. As an artist I am often the vessel of something Greater that moves the whole into Creation. I have birthed many possibilities into this world, but this one I held in my womb for so long I became connected to it as part of myself. It may seem like an obvious metaphor, but as an artist, it very much mirrors to me that Universal process. Music is that process of constant procreation and gestation, a ceaseless birthing. It is something that forms through continuous streams of generous flowing energy between the Divine and all those present. So losing what I loved and birthed felt like the greatest loss, but this became the dance for which I birthed myself whole again, as every loss creates the possibility of a new life...
As I was talking on the phone with a life coach, she gifted me with new insight that shifted my entire experience around loss and creation. We were talking about how as artists we are often an infinite stream of ideas, sometimes more than we know what to do with. I was having a particularly resentful moment with myself for not being able to follow through with all my ideas, and I felt completely stagnant in my self worth for this. And then this life coach said something that completely shifted me, she said “Sometimes it’s only our job to give birth to it. Sometimes we are just the vehicles of gestation and then we bring it into this world and that’s all we were meant to do.” At that moment a sense of relief entered my being. Sometimes we are only meant to be the vehicle to bring that potent moment into this world, and this is enough. Perhaps that momentary life will birth a million more infinite sparks of love through out the Universe. Perhaps every moment we brought a portion of love, of sacredness, of innocence into this world, was all we were intended for. We are cycling through patterns of life and death in the ever evolving cosmos, and if we can learn to dance in surrender, we become streams of love and infinite births.
So I released in knowing that to be fully present, to be fully open in birthing whatever arises, is exactly what I was intended for. Then all the things that felt like deaths became bittersweet memories where I got to experience the Divine for a moment. And each breath become a possibility. And each moment of Love was a moment with Creation.
You are light. You have a shadow. Shadow is a convenient way to language "that which we are in avoidance or stark contrast to." It's the part we can't or don't want to see in ourselves. I refer to it as ego core patterns. That which we are in denial of. We all truly want to be self realized beings, gravitating towards our highest potential; however, to become that state of consciousness we must fully integrate all aspects of our self. We cannot deny any part of us.
We all come with a unique blue print, personal story, unfolding life lesson that is part of our soul journey. When we incarnate, we live unconsciously - as if life is happening to us. And in that unconscious process our nature unfolds - creating with it core patterns and attachments to life lessons based on how we individuated from our organic life path.
All the "stuff" out there is really just a part of our experiential unfolding. Mathematically, it is that which is in resonance to our growth. Exponentially.
The Shadow is where we reclaim the unconscious state for a taste of awakening from the dream. The Shadow contains the lessons and undertaking our soul experiences to accrete more frequency. For when we experience the lessons and heal them - we become containers of larger amounts of energy and higher amounts of frequency. It is like a game in which we attain "super powers." Healing the shadow is how we accrete higher frequencies.
The spirit creates or moves through whatever set of experiences to know itself. It stretches itself to expand its range of motion - to expand what it is capable of. If we can acknowledge where we are stuck or limited and commit to working with our shadow, we have somewhere from which to start.
To split apart / heal back together.
This is our souls path to understanding. We must split ourselves open then make ourselves whole. It is from chaos to order to ultimate balance in which we will become.
Let the shadow breathe. Do not fear it's undertaking. You are all that you've been seeking.
Owl is the medicine of clear seeing and clairvoyance. It is connected to the desire and seeking of clarity, which is why it is also the medicine of Libra people. Owl is seer of the night, having the ability to see clearly where others cannot. Owl’s crystal-clear seeing medicine guides us to find clarity in any situation and live from a higher perspective that is harmonious, calm, collected and cool like a gentle night breeze. Owl can teach us to detach from all that is not of the highest good. It offers an overseeing view of self and life situations. Its gift is night vision, and this medicine brings clarity to darkness and flies through the darkest of places with crystal clear reflection.
Owl medicine can be called upon when we need help connecting to a higher perspective that is harmonious and balanced. Call in the energy of Owl and ask to connect with it's crystal clear vision to support you in receiving Divine perspective.
Owl medicine is healing to Pisces and helpful in balancing Aries and can be sweet medicine for Taurus, as well a mystical for Scorpio and Sagittarius.
Element: Wind(Air+Ether) + Water
Instrument: Bells and Bowls
*This is based on my personal perspective and interpretation on Owl Medicine. It may not totally align with traditional perspectives.
This whole world lures you into validation around bigness. The more important you are, the more you conquer, the more valued you are considered. We are so caught up in striving for more, bigger and better, that often we get disconnected from our truth. However much we may be aggressively striving to meet some false credential of self worth, the truth is, all life is of equal value. We are valuable because we exist. Whether it be a tiny microscopic bug or a gigantic elephant, all beings contribute to the whole and we each have our own unique medicine that makes the whole. Each of us counts and our medicine is essential to things co-existing. Some medicine requires larger platforms, while other medicines are just as strong even though they may appear delicate and unassuming.
Daisy is one of those medicines that call’s us to BE as we are. It teaches us to be brave, even in our smallness. It sees value in simplicity and knows it’s importance. Often we try running away from the part of ourselves that feels small…”not good enough”… towards a bigger better rendition of ourselves. The truth is, if we can feel big and confident even in our smallness, in our own simplicity, we radiate our love into the world.
Daisy asks us to be ourselves, to stand in our truth and grow without competition. Imagine if Daisy judged its delicateness…it would never reveal it’s beauty to those who recognize it’s presence. The message: Grow as you are. Love + Grow. Even if feel you aren’t noticed or believe you don't have something important to contribute, share yourself anyway. Your existence is a gift and when you stand tall with the love that you are, you welcome the presence of love on this planet.
I had been praying for a home. For months actually. It began in sweat lodge when I asked the sacred smoke to bring me to a home, a place I could come into my own. Yet nothing was coming. In fact, I was further away from a home and restless in the constant motion of no ground. And then she came to me. Like a dream.
My lover and I had been talking about getting an old rv for a while. We went back and forth on the idea but nothing was solid. Then I felt an urge, a calling, to search and I found my prayer came back to me, as I had imagined it would…
She came worn with memories and bundled in a bright light of love. She looks “lived in,” but in the most satisfying way. Her name is Dalphina White Berry Prayer. She came with owl feathers and treasures left behind by a child and her father. I could feel the memories when I stare at the walls and tattered furnishings. She looks worn, but that’s part of her charm. My mind wants to be reminded of how much needs to be renovated and updated. I want to put love into her, but I also want keep her the way she is. I want to find that balance where this new space can support our creativity but also honor her story. So this relationship echoes back to me the seeking of perfection, idealism and loving what is present.
I imagine the little girl before me being lovingly held by Dalphina White Berry Prayer, having her child-like dreams safely enveloped in her sweet force field. It reminds me that this seeking, this urging to the next, is so shallow, so unnecessary. Love is present in acceptance, in conscious connection, in stillness. Like a Prayer she came to me, responding with her love, asking for me to trust, and in this way my deepest prayers have been answered.
I love coffee, the taste, the smell, the experience it provides…but because it’s such a strong medicine, I find that I need to use it sparingly and in a balanced way. Living in a culture of excess, we are accustomed to over doing it, everything. We do this with coffee particularly well. It suits our over-driven personalities to consume tons of it. However, coming from a place where my body has been challenged to come into balance, I’ve struggled with using it. Often times I wouldn’t pay attention to the symptoms and get throw off my center. I believe strong medicines, like coffee, are important in our evolutionary process, but we must use them with care. Some people, depending on their constitutions and dietary choices can use a higher dosage, while others, like myself, may need to use it minimally. While I don’t rely on it as a daily ritual, I do have a rather romantic relationship with it.
Today I was in a cozy, warm, fall mood and felt the deliciousness of a latte calling to me. I decide to trust my instinct but use my intuition to balance it with other components. I searched my herbal/spice cabinet and used the herbs I had readily available that I felt would be nourishing.
I warmed 2 cups of alkaline water with 1 scoop (teaspoon or tablespoon) of grounded coffee beans.
Then I added moringa leaf, ashwaganda and burdock root powder. I didn’t boil it, but just warmed it gently.
Separately, in a blended I added 3 dates, a spoonful of hemp seeds and some coconut milk (any nut based milk will do).
I put about a half cups worth of the blended beverage in a mug and then poured and strained the warmed coffee mixture on top.
Last, I added a scoop of coconut cream (I save the cream from canned coconuts).
This recipe makes enough for 2 people/2 cups.
I forgot what the strangeness of a new place felt like. How awkward the first few moments, even though everything also feels so right. A fitting into a brand new outfit that hasn't been adjusted to the bodies contours. It is in these fresh new days that I re-learn what it means to sink into something. To not enter with trepidation. To crease the fabric as you shape into a new form. To let yourself define a space. I did not remember how to let myself come into a new room. All I felt was the expansiveness of the unknown haunting my bones as I walked in the room as an unannounced guest. Yet this challenge of the newness has ripened me to new levels I had not predicted. This new place is exactly what I needed to re-learn how to come into myself, with no container to hold me. All this un-predictability has been an initiation I had not thought possible, forming a home in my being from the mud of my shadow. Having left the comfort of the known and all the needs that kept me safe and maintained, I see there are no places that can hold me. Home is not a place, but a welcoming into one self.
Perhaps you are not found yet. Perhaps you are much more complex than can be defined in a short frame of reference. Let the evasiveness of how utterly vague you may be to become a moment of inner humility- that you are not yet complete. That there is more to the story. More to the becoming. Wholeness not yet determined. Let that be okay. The indecisiveness and the temporarily fragility. Let what is be, without finality and fidelity. Respect the process that is you.